*This email is not from my father but from my dear friend Brian Kelly who was deeply offended by the "Fuck St. Patrick's Day" email.
OK first I want to say, suck it to my greasy Italian buddy Matt.
all right, dude. Like posting little hate threads to the Internet? Thank my Irish brothers for that; they invented the induction coil which is what made electricity possible.
Fond of using your poor grammar and hackish attempts at humor? Well you certainly could not pollute the Internet with this filth nor put it to paper (I lament this) if it were not for the Irish missionaries and clergy who preserved the ancient texts of the classical age. It sure would be hard to be writing this crap for you if you hadn't had a bloody renaissance (which of course you are going to claim as Italian, you dirty Sicilian). Furthermore, if you are found of satire then you better bow down to Jonathan Swift- yes, he's Irish too.
Now on another front, who do you think fought in the wars that made your backwards Mediterranean homeland free? It wouldn't have gotten done by you lazy, fat, screw a lot, greasy losers who couldn't build a bicycle yourselves until the early 20th century. Thank the Irish and their compatriots the wild Scottish.
So Mr. 50+governments-in-50-years, go home eat your cannoli and eat your Italian ice; Western Civilization has progressed not by your stagnant culture but by the Irish (and perhaps the British and Germans). As your homeland sits idly by waiting over 3 months to receive their meager socialist state checks from the blackhole of a civil society they live in, perhaps you will consider meeting me in Ireland and getting a bloody job; oh? You didn't know that Ireland was the fastest economy in Europe? Technology abounding?
So think about what you have done and I and my people will hold our whiskey bottles in one hand and the pain of the world in the other because frankly we've earned it and proven ourselves. Oh and by the way, you guys still can't build a decent bicycle.....
*Brian Kelly, a proud American of Irish descent.
Brian Kelly and I are still friends despite this controversy. |
