*3/05/2003 - This is a fertility ceremony that my father performed for his co-workers. The change in font, colors of text and background and centering of text help re-create the origional word file..
ST. PETER OF THE PERPETUAL HARDNESS
We are gathered here today in order to perform the fertility ceremony of St. Peter of the Perpetual Hardness. St. Peter was born in Palermo, Sicily in the thirteenth century. He traveled the countryside of Sicily throughout most of his adult life. As he would travel through the small hillside towns, he would often become aware of young women whom for whatever reason could not bear children. After meeting and spending time with these women, Peter and the women soon found out that he had a gift, a sacred gift that was able to make women pregnant. At first Peter tried to hide his gift, but he soon found out that as his reputation and his gift grew, this would be impossible. He therefore spent the rest of his life traveling from town to town fulfilling his appointed duty. Upon his death he was buried in the town of Viagra, where Sicilian women still go to pray for his blessing. This ceremony was handed down through the years from descendents of his followers. It was given to me by my grandmother Mary Caloroni Morales, who bore nine children and always prayed to St. Peter.
Please RISE
St. Peter of the Perpetual Hardness, we have come here today to invoke your blessing on our sister Brandy. She wishes to once again bear a child and asks your help in doing so. Look down upon her today and grant her wishes.
RESPONSE: Go St. Peter
Be Seated
A reading from a book written by a guy named Joe who used to hang around St. Peter when he was alive.
RESPONSE: What it is Joe
One day Peter entered the town of Infertility. He at first did not want the people to know who he was, but the women of the town noticed his gift immediately and beckoned him to a small house near the end of the village. There they showed him two sisters who had traveled from other towns to meet him, for they were unable to bear children. The sisters were Ima of Frigidity and Absence of Orgasm. Peter felt pity for the two sisters. He brought them into the back room and closed the door. All through the night the townspeople could hear moaning and groaning and gnashing of teeth. In the morning Peter and the two sisters came out of the room. The sisters clothes were disheveled and their hair all a mess, but they had a glow to their face. Peter looked at the crowd and said, “These sisters will be barren no more.” He and his followers left the town. Nine months later both women bore a child. The town’s people said, “Truly this man is a saint!” This concludes the story about St. Peter told by Joe a guy who hung around with him when he was alive.
RESPONSE:
Right On Joe
PLEASE RISE
Presentation of Gifts
BE SEATED
Blessing of Gifts
St. Peter you always said a little oil between friends goes a long way. Bless this oil and allow it to help Brandy in her quest. St. Peter you have said one prego deserves another. Bless this hair from a current prego so that its vibes will touch our sister Brandy. St. Peter you were blessed with a gift. We ask that you bless this symbol of your gift so that Brandy may be aware of what is needed to produce a child. St. Peter we thank you for blessing our gifts and looking down upon us today. We ask that you hear our prayers and with the help of your fellow saints, St. Ovary of Ovulation, and St. Uterus of Implantation, that you once again grant our sister Brandy the gift of conception.
RESPONSE: GIVE HER A BREAK PETE
PLEASE RISE
St. Peter you often quoted your friend Steven of Stills who said," If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with.” Let us now offer each other the sign of St. Peter.
RESPONSE: LET’S MAKE A BABY
The ceremony of ST. Peter is complete. Let us all go home and remember “It’s not the love you get, but the love you give that counts.”
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